【Day.121】自分のためには頑張れない。/適応障害の日常

こんにちは!

towaです☺☺

今日もあそびに来てくれてありがとう♡

最近、少しブログの投稿を控えています。

そんな中、遊びに来てくれる方もいて
すっごく嬉しいっ…!

本当にありがとう☺☺

みなさんは、自分のために頑張れますか?

私にはちょっと難しい、、

今に限らず、昔からずっと
そうだったような気がします。

適応障害になって休職を始めてから、

「自分に優しく生きよう。」
「自分のために頑張ろう。」

そう思いながら生活してきた私。

でも、いつだって、どんな時だって、
思い返せば誰かのためだったなぁ。

それが自分のためになることもあるので
悪いことではないけれど、

頑張る理由はいつだって誰かのため。

料理をするようになったのは姉のため。

ピアノを何年も続けたのは母のため。

部活を兼部していたのは友達のため。

資格試験の勉強を始めたのは相方のため。

私が自分のためにやったことって何?

困っている自分には手を差し伸べられないの
に、困っている他人には全力で頑張れる。

人間て、すごく不思議だなと思います。笑

「自分のために」って、
すごく難しいですよね…。

自分のために頑張れる人が羨ましい。

でも、他人を助けているせいか
私自身も助けてもらうことも多くて、、

そう考えると、他人のために頑張るのも
悪くはないのかなぁ☺☺

自分のために頑張ることができないのなら
誰かのために頑張るのもまた私の人生。

頑張る理由を見失うくらいなら、
その方が良い気がします◎。

結果的に頑張ったことが
帰ってくるなら、

遠回りですが、自分のために
頑張ったことになるのかな…?

それか、私が繊細すぎて
周囲の目を気にしてしまって

自分らしさを愛せないことが、自分のために
頑張れないことに繋がっているのかも…。

よくわからなくなってきた、、笑

今は、頑張る理由も生きる理由も
他人のためになってしまいますが、

いつかもっと自分を愛せるようになって

本当の意味で自分のために
頑張れる人になれたらいいな♡

さてっ、考えすぎるとみるみるうちに
落ち込み始めて気分が下がる私。

考えるのをやめ、買い出しをして
夜ごはんの準備をしようかな♪

今日のメインはピーマンの肉詰め。

とても久しぶりです♡

相方にも喜んでもらえたのではなまるっ!

ごちそうさまでした~☺☺

さて、この後はいつも通り
お風呂に入ってまったりします◎。

最近は夜更かししがちなので、
ほどほどにしなきゃですね、、

気を付けます…!

みなさんもゆっくり休んでくださいね☺☺

明日もたくさん話しましょう!

ではっ、おやすみなさい~♪

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