こんにちは！
towaです☺☺
今日も遊びに来てくれてありがとう♡
今日は、気分転換にいつもと違うカフェに
行って勉強してきます◎。
12月に入ったということで、
もうすぐ今年が終わりますね。
1年早かったなぁ～。
少しずつコロナも落ち着いてきたので
今年の年末は実家に帰省することに。
でも…。
私は実家が好きではないので、
年末が近づくにつれて
どんどん憂鬱になってしまって、、
私は、虐待やDVは受けていなかったものの
親の過干渉を受けながら育ちました。
いつも親の理想を押し付けられ、
少しでも失敗したりすると
怒られ、罵られ、否定され…。
そんな環境で育ってきたせいか、
小さなミスでもずっと引きずる
くらい落ち込んでしまったり、
誰かに迷惑をかけることを
極端に恐れてしまったり、
いまだにそんな性格をしています。
今思えば、私が適応障害になった原因は
幼少期の環境でもあったんだろうな。
また、人との関わりも苦手な私。
年末年始に帰省すると
両親の実家へ行くのが定番なのですが、
ものすごくお酒を飲まされる…！！
お酒は飲めないわけではないのですが、
そんなに好きでもなくて…。
1年に1度しか会わない人と会うのも
正直しんどいのに
朝から晩までお酒を飲むなんて、、
実家も息が詰まるし、今のまま
相方とまったり過ごしていたいなぁ。
もう25歳なのに自由な人生を
歩ませてくれない親。
親から子どもへの悪影響というと
虐待やDVなどが知名度が高いですが、
“過干渉”もすごく辛い。
もっと広まってほしいなぁ、、
この世に産まれてから高校卒業までの
18年間、過干渉の親もとで育った私。
そのときに受けた精神的ダメージは
一生消えることはないし、
いまだに頻繁に連絡がくるので
現在進行形で傷は増え続けます。
着信に気づくと、途端に心臓の音が
速く大きくなるのがわかる。
もうやめてって身体が言ってる。
もう25歳だよわたし。
アラサーだよ。
1人でも頑張れるよ。
いい加減子離れしてよ。
もうほっといてよ。
虐待にはない過干渉ならではの
辛いところは、
過干渉をする側に悪意がないこと。
親に対して嫌な気持ちも
恨む気持ちもたくさんあるのに、
過干渉は優しさでもあるせいで
恨むに恨みきれない。
そうなると、親の愛を受け止められない
自分が悪いのかな～とさえ思ってくる。
嫌だったとしても嫌だと伝えられない。
はぁ～。
やだなぁ年末。笑
コロナが酷かったころは、それを理由に
飲み会も帰省もしなくてよかったから
私にとっては有難かった…。
良くないことではあるんだけど、
ラクだったな～なんて笑。
そんなことを考えていたら
最近寝つきが悪くなった私。
もう悪循環でしかないです笑。
さてっ！
そろそろ夜ごはんを作ります。
今日はなんと相方との記念日なので
ちょっぴり手の込んだごはんに♡
メインは、私たちが大好きなカレー。
休職前はいつも社食のカレーを
一緒に食べていました☺☺
そしてそして、私にしては珍しく
デザートのチョコタルト♡
スペックの高いオーブンレンジが無く
タルト生地は焼けないので、
中のチョコレートガナッシュだけ
作りました。
めちゃくちゃ美味しかったなぁ♡
ごちそうさまでしたっ！
ごはんも食べ終わったので、
このあとはゆっくりお風呂に入って
ゲームでもして寝ようと思います。
私のいつものルーティーンです笑。
ではっ、みなさん今日も
お疲れさまでした☺☺
明日も遊びに来てくださいね！
おやすみなさい～♬
コメント
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