こんにちは！
towaです☺☺
今日もまったり作業していきます！
昨日の夜、なかなか眠れなくて
ぐるぐると考えごとをしていました、、
眠れない夜は、どれだけ考えても答えの出ない
ことをひたすら考えてしまうんですよね。
なんだか、思い描いていた自分と今の自分の
ギャップに耐えられなくなってしまって…。
思い返すと、私と仲良くしてくれる人は
年上の方が多いんですよね。
レベルの高い大学出身で、
やりたいことや夢があって、
仕事に対して一生懸命で、
勤務後に自分で勉強するくらい
仕事が大好きな人ばかり。
働く前からそんなキラキラした人達と
関わっていた私は、
自分のそうなれると思っていたし、
そうなるものだと疑っていなかったです。
それなのに、今の自分はこのありさま。
なんでだろう？
なぜ私はみんなと同じように
なれなかったんだろう？
私も、みんなと同じように
「仕事やだな～、でも働かないとお金無いしな～。」
「ほんと毎日だるいわ～」
「あの上司うざすぎ…」
なんて言いながら、華金の夜に
友達と飲み明かしたりしたかったなぁ…。
そんな人生になるはずだったのに、
何を間違えて毎日家で、ある日はベッドで
動けず、吐き気と闘って生きているんだろう。
誰がこんな未来を
思い描いていたんでしょうか、、
もちろん、人それぞれいろんな人生があるので
年上の友達とまったく同じ人生を歩むことは
できないとわかっていますが、
人それぞれ違うからこそ、
自分とみんなを比ベてしまって
自分の人生に劣等感を抱いてしまう、、
普通の人間として、普通の社会人として
生きていきたかったtowaです…泣。
さて、そろそろ帰ります。
今日は、相方と一緒にご近所の
つけ麺屋さんへ。
美味しい～っ！
今まで麺を食べることは少なかったのですが、
相方と付き合ってからは食べる機会が
増えたような気がします。
今日も美味しいごはんが食べられて
とても幸せでした♡
お家に帰ってからは、いつも通り
まったりゲームをして過ごします♪
大好きなテイルズがついに3周目に。
何度やってもダンジョンはわくわくするし、
ボスを倒せるとすごく嬉しい！
テイルズは敵の強さも選べるので、
3周目はハードモードにしてプレイします☺☺
みなさんも、まったりとした夜を
過ごしてくださいね！
明日もまた、たくさんお話しましょう♬
ではっ、また明日～。
おやすみなさい☺
コメント
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