【Day.95】”普通”の人にできて自分にはできないこと/適応障害の日常

こんにちは!

towaです♪

今日も遊びに来てくれてありがとう☺☺

今日はカフェに行ってきます!

家で集中できなそうな日や眠い日は
カフェでの作業が捗りますね♪

それにしても、なんだか突然寒くなりました。

まだ冬服出してないよ~、、

こうしてブログだからこそ言えることなの
ですが、私には、みんなにできて私には
できないことがたくさんあります。

悲しい、、

でも、それが現実なんですよね〜。

そこで今日は、醜い私を
さらしていこうかなと思います!!笑

私のブログに遊びに来てくれる人は
みんないい人だから大丈夫だよね…?笑

ドン引きしないでねー!笑

朝起きること

これは本当に苦手!!

今思えば、学生時代は良く頑張っていたな~と
思います笑。

学校が嫌いじゃなかったからかな…??

昔からずっと夜型で、
早寝がぜんぜんできないんですよね、、

「夜型=悪い」というイメージがあって、
職場の産業医面談でも毎回夜型を直すようにと
言われるのですが、

自分ではそんなに悪いものなのかな~、と
少し疑問に思っています…。

ほとんどの仕事は9時や10時出勤が多いので
朝型の方が働く上は良いと思うのですが、

出勤の事を考えなければ
夜型でもいいんじゃないかな、、

私は、夜の方が勉強やお仕事が捗る
タイプなので、私の生活リズムに合う
お仕事を見つけたいなぁ…。

朝にちゃんと起きられる人、本当にすごい!!

尊敬しかありません!!!

会社員として働くこと

お仕事をし始めてから気づいたことなのです
が、組織の一員として働くことが苦手です。

縛られているような気がして、、

フリーランスになりたいなぁ☺☺

とはいえ、会社員の魅力もあります。

どれだけ仕事ができない人でも
毎月必ずお給料がもらえます。

勤務時間が終わってしまえば
仕事から解放される。

安定感抜群ですよね!

それに対して、フリーランスは自由ですが
安定しておらず、収入がゼロのときもあり、

勤務時間は関係なく24時間仕事に対応する。

改めて比べてみると、会社員って
本当に恵まれているな~と思います。

でも、会社員の息苦しさに
どうしても耐えられなくて、、

何の意味があるのかわからない謎の慣習や
面倒な人間関係、責任の重さなどなど、

本当に向いてない…泣。

会社で働いている方々、
毎日ほんとにお疲れ様です!

誰かと一緒にいること

これもけっこう苦手、、

本当に気を許した人じゃないと、
一緒にいるだけで疲れてしまうんです。

話す内容を考えたり、
相手を傷つけない言葉を選んだり、

普通の人にはサラッとできることでも
私は頭をフル回転させないとできません、、

なので、基本的にはいつも単独行動。

もう気楽すぎます笑。

お仕事や勉強も、
誰かとやるより1人でやる派。

自分の世界に入っちゃいます☺☺

家族と仲良くすること

仲良しな家族を見るとすごく微笑ましい!

ときどき、テレビやYouTubeで
「家族に〇〇を打ち明けてみた」という企画を
見ることがあるのですが、

家族の理解ありすぎじゃないですかっ?!笑

心配はされても否定されず、ちゃんと
受け入れてくれる両親が本当に羨ましい。

私なら、怒られて、否定されて、罵られて、
もう企画倒れになっちゃうよ…笑。

暴力こそないものの、罵詈雑言浴びせられて
大変なことになりそうな気がします、、、笑

実際、私が何かを報告したいときや
壁にぶち当たったとき必ずそうでした。

受験生だったとき。
資格試験に挑戦したとき。
転職したとき。

自分を”ものさし”にする両親は、
私が思うように動いてくれないときは
絶対に怒るんですよね、、

昔からそうだったので、
両親には一生心を開けません。

最近は「親ガチャ」という言葉もありますが、

どんな親のもとに生まれるかって、子どもの
人生を左右するほど重要なことだと思います。

もし私がいつか親になることができたら、
子どもにはやりたいことをやらせて
のびのびと育ってほしいなぁ☺☺

集団行動をすること

これもけっこう苦手…。

私が働くことが苦手な理由のひとつとして
集団行動が苦手なのもあると思います。

ひとりが好きなので、仕事は1人で
モクモク作業するの方が気楽なのですが、

どんなお仕事も協力しなければいけないときが
必ずありますよね!

だからせめて休憩は1人で取りたいのですが、
なかなかそれも叶わないという、、笑

友達と遊んだり飲みに行ったりするのも、
2人じゃないと嫌です笑。

自分が話すタイミングがわからないし、
みんなに私の話をきいてもらうのもなんか…。

注目を浴びるのが苦手なのも
あるかもしれませんね☺

本当はもっとあるのですが、
長くなってしまいそうなのでこのへんでっ!

考えれば考えるほど社会不適合者だなと思うの
ですが、私なりに楽しく生きていきたいなぁ。

今は辛いけど、
いつかそんな日がきたらいいな☺☺

さて、夜ごはんを作ります!

きんぴらは、あるはずの”ごま油”がなくて
いつもと違う味になってしまったのが
悲しかったですが、美味しかったのでOK☺

ごちそうさまでしたっ♪

今日も私のブログに遊びに来てくれて
ありがとうございました!

明日もたくさんお話しましょうね☺☺

ではっ、おやすみなさい~♬

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