こんにちは！
towaです☺☺
今日は、カフェで作業しようと思います。
やることが多い日や、やるべきことを
さっさと終わらせたい気分の時は
やっぱりカフェが捗りますね～♬
昨日は病院に行ってきたのですが、
少し前から思っていたことがあって…。
「良い患者」を演じてしまうんです笑。
不安なことや悩んでいることをなかなか
打ち明けることができず、患者の優等生で
あろうとしてしまうんですよね～、、
そもそも患者に良いも悪いも
ないと思うのですが…笑。
でも、暗い雰囲気になりたくなくて
無駄に笑顔で話したり、
「いつも通りで変わったことはありません。」
と言ってしまったり、
なかなか本音を打ち明けることができなくて…
平気なふりをしてしまうんです。
そうすると職場復帰のことを聞かれたり
するのですが、正直職場復帰なんて
できっこない。
「復帰するほどの元気はまだないです。」
そう言ってのらりくらりとする。
私はいつもそんな感じなんですよね～。
もともと人間不信ですし、
高くて分厚い壁を作るのが得意なので
「じゃあ何でも話してください」と言われても
何も話せないんですけどね…笑。
自分のことは自分でなんとかしたい、と
思うタイプなのでなおさらかも。
悩んでいることがあっても、
「あなたに話すことは何もない。」
そう思ってしまうんです。
悩みを相談できないことが辛いわけではないの
ですが、本当はちゃんと自分の気持ちを
話した方が良いんだろうな～と思いつつ
いつも診察を1～2分で終わらせてしまう私。笑
かなり人見知りですし、先生にすら気を遣って
しまって疲れちゃうんですよね…泣。
なかなか心が開けず
辛いところを見せることがないので、
「もう頑張らなくていいよ。」
「十分頑張ってるよ。」
そんな温かい言葉をかけられてしまうと
涙が溢れ出てきます。
病院では一度もありませんが、姉や彼などに
言われたときは号泣しました☺☺
「あなたに話すことはない」なんて
そっけない態度をとりつつ、
手を差し伸べられると涙が零れ落ちる。
なんて面倒な人間なのでしょう、私は。笑
さてっ、そろそろ帰って
ごはんを作ろうと思います！
今日は久しぶりにグラタンを作りました！
グラタンはやっぱり美味しいなぁ♡
彼曰く、私の手料理ランキングは
1位→ハンバーグ
2位→towaスペシャル（玉ねぎの卵とじ）
3位→そぼろ丼
らしいのですが、グラタンが3位かな～
と悩んでいました笑。
私的にはどっちでもいいですが、とりあえず
喜んでもらえたので良かったかな笑。
この後はまったり過ごしたいと思います。
みなさん、今日も1日お疲れさまでした！
おやすみなさい～♬
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